Istanbul healing

Getting fucked by the Capricorn jewish guy. It was unexpected. He had spent all those night sleeping naked next to me. for no obvious reasons he said he wants to give me pleasure, to make me feel treated. He wanted to give me a hammam experience. He had just been there and felt fetishized. It turned him on. We disagree on that part. 

the last three guys who made a shot at my ass have something in common. They're all jewish. I don’t know what this means.

To my ever increasing surprise, he went on and fucked me. it healed me. I hadn’t been fucked for such a long time. He even made me come twice. It was good to feel desired. To make me feel that my ass matters. My ass attracts and gives pleasure.

That Syrian picked me. yes maybe he's desperate. Maybe they all try to look more glamorous than they really are. Maybe that's why they try to look glamorous in the first place. To camouflage their insecurities. 

I had met him the night before. He hardly showed attention. Even after I tried to impress him by my egyptianness. The next night we run into each other. We're forced to kiss each other. He gives it more heart than I expected him to.

 i sucked syrian dick on the floor of that turkish club?

i think it was good because i was so surprised it happened. like i saw the guy the previous night and he didn't pay me any attention. then i see him again and i hit on him and he responds hard. and because i was finally flirting with another arab. and because i got chosen by an arab. im so traumatized by sexual politics of germany. so an arab guy flirting with me warms my heart. i should open myself to that more. Seek it more. i really think that can improve my sexuality, because now i have libido problems and i know it's because of white gays/gaze, but it came back to me in Istanbul, also in athens

 actually this realization is scary

like i feel fetishized with him and that turns me .but with a syrian guy im not viciously fetishized and it's not like all insecurities will be gone but that's a major one, but it's hurts me to seee arabs here running after whites. it triggers me. you know this was even written about in black feminist thought? the trauma of black women that black men choose white women