Sleeping with the enemy!

I had the courage to say hello. He said hello back. We went off for a walk. Away from the maddening crowd. Soon after, we were making out on the street. He was touching me all over. I was touching him too. 

Have I lost my mind? He was trying to see through me with his eyes and his passion. I was trying to see through him with my silence. Scared to reveal myself. Just wanting him to speak. I also wanted him to listen but wasn’t sure if I would make any sense or if I would scare him off.

He asked me not to fuck, although he’s the one who fucked me. Was it double speak? Why does he use all those idealistic words? Why is he being moralizing? Quit smoking? Yes, I want to but not because of you or because of God.

And why are you so beautiful and want to be with me? What do you want from me? You said you don’t want sex and then you do it. I do want to touch you though. You’re so young and stubborn. You’re opinionated and passionate. It’s hard to resist that. Why has it become so hard for me to believe I’m worth it. I’m worth loving.

You mentioned a party in your phone call. I only dare asking you about it after we fucked. I’m blown away. It’s FJP. Yes, you’re religious and so, but FJP? What does this mean? I’m sleeping with the enemy? Can anything come out of this? Can we be together? Can I reveal myself to you? Would you accept me?

You were close to tears. I saw that pain. He gave you hard time, didn’t he? He wouldn’t let you in and that wore you out. But it made you love him even more. Oh how ignorant you are. You have no idea how hard it is for me to let you in as well. But would I ever say that to you?  

What of us? And where will we be?