Reconsidering Single!

I despised relationships. I don’t believe in them. I rationalized and extolled various theories behind my resentments. I believed we were wired and brainwashed by society that relationships are the norm. Otherwise, you’re miserable, unhappy and incomplete! I put forth various reasons why people want to be in a relationship. Among the reasons and motivations were: the desire for validation; social acceptance; peer pressure; physical and emotional dependence; the irrational fear of being alone. Meanwhile, I advocated one night stands. I praised singlehood. I broke down the ins and outs of a relationship and showed the various fallacies around it.

Here I am a few days later rethinking all those positions and stances. If I am to get on with my life always seeking and enacting one night stands, would I get anything more than that? Why do I assume that if I hang around always seeking instant gratification it would magically turn into a glorious love story? Doesn’t require some effort from my side too? Doesn’t fucking at first sight somehow destroy the prospects of human interaction later on? Wouldn’t I be somehow narrowing my potential when I limited my encounters to fuck-and-leave kind of thing?

But here I have to stop and think: why do I want to move away from the one night stand style? I do still believe that relationships are overrated and monogamy is even more overestimated. However, I still think that this state of interdependence can be gratifying. Yes, friends are good, friends are amazing. I love friends. Friends listen to you, pamper you, support you and cheer you up. Somehow we’re always too greedy to be satisfied with that. We seek to be gratified physically, emotionally, and mentally at the same time. I would love to have someone who listens to me, shares my life, and still fucks me at the end of the day. I still want to experience that, at least give myself a real shot at it. I know it won’t last and it’s not supposed to. But I want to do it at least for the sake of doing-anything-once.

I recently had a conversation that might have elicited some of those second thoughts. The person was saying that he had a lot of non-attached fun before. Then for the last five years he completely changed his strategy. He tries to seek something of meaning. It made sense, despite my reservations. If you always put yourself in a certain cycle, you will only end up with so much. I haven’t lost my faith in pure chance and randomness, because that’s what I believe the whole world relies upon. I think that somehow you should have a focus. I have always been pragmatic and you can’t get something without actually working towards it. That’s my philosophy. Whether this applies to this tricky of love and relationships, it remains unclear.