Tired

I need to draw a line. Where do I draw the line? I can't go on like this. I wanted to touch someone's life, now I can't get enough. Maybe I'm not getting validation.

I'll never be swept down by anyone or anything. so why do I expect to sweep away others?

It's not safe for me to go on like this. What could happen? Nervous breakdown, immunity breakdown, hair loss, weight gain, tense relationships, growing dissatisfaction, burnout, risky behavior, depressive episodes, etc.

I don’t want to know anything about Zeina. She's the embodiment of my nightmares. It's what makes me totally cease to exist.

I'm too hard on myself. I'm too unkind. I'm not supporting people around me. What the hell am I doing here?

I miss my sisters. My broken sisters. My teenage sisters. I don't think I'll get over the guilt. I wish I'd never get over it.

Mother, I want to tell you I love you but it's so hard. I'm afraid one of us would die before I do.

Am I still scared of death? Sometimes I wish it. I'm more scared of pain, torture, kidnaps and rape. I don't feel so dejected about death. I feel I'm concerned about the timing. As if I want to push it back until it's right time. No idea when that would come about.

Writing is therapeutic. Why don't I write often? It's writing stupid! Connect to myself more.

What is friendship? They're losing their meaning. It's always been my single most important activity of my life. To befriend, to understand. I don't feel you anymore, don't get you. Why are we still together?

I want out of here. I don’t know why, but I'm expected to want this. Should I just stay? I'm worried about my future if I stay. I'm worried about my future if I leave.

I'm afraid of earthquakes. Living on the 8^th floor doesn't help. Would my flatmate commit suicide? Will I be evicted soon? I want to have a house. I don’t want to live alone anymore.

I'm becoming a different person. Less radical. I'm growing old. I don’t want to live alone. I don’t mind dating. What's happening to me?