Moving out and in

So what's wrong? Why am I not happy? Why is my colleague pathologizing me? What's the root of this disenchantment?

I moved. I should be relaxed and happy. Is it because the Syrians are all over town and it makes you think of their plight? Or is it because that beautiful Syrian boy liked girls? He may like boys too but would it be easy for him to date one? Or would he have time for it? Or he has to keep working to keep the family dignified?

Is it because those guys who live around Cairo University are too carefree and beautiful? It's already about a decade apart, is that what makes you bitter? You can't have what they have. It's too late, isn't it? They grew up here. They live here when they're 19. They were skinny pants and touch each other. 

I moved. I should be happy. I should have more time on my hands. I should bring whomever over. I should feel less rushed to go to work. I shouldn’t be waking up before the alarm goes off. I should be spending more time in my room. I should be having more quality times.

I am traveling, I should be excited. I should be content with where I got so far. Instead I'm tired and stressed. What would make happy then? What are the achievements for? What are the pains worth? When will be able to dance the revolution?

Exploring is what I do. Challenging is my middle name. Risking is what I know. What's the meaning? Where is the focus point? When is the release?