He found it a perfect scene in the
movie of his life, his long autobiographic chef d'oeuvre. That scene of him
fucking a white german guy with no expression of his face. Maybe there's a
little bit of contempt and carelessness too. It captured a lot of the dynamics
in sex with whites. His unwillingness, his contempt, and his feelings of
oppression. That scene came to him as he caught up with his Arabo-phile Iranian
friend as they were high on weed. It was a conversation that was started by the
Arabo-phile's question regarding his plans for the night after he leaves. The
Arabo-phile then followed up with asking if he had sex on his mind, and if so,
would it be white. When he answered yes, or maybe or something, the friend
responded that it's not a big deal. As long as he's also taking what he wants,
while giving back nothing,, no attention, no effort, no planning. Only his
body. And if so, he should make the best of it, for example getting them to buy
beer or cigarettes on the road.
It made him curious that if that
would be a paramount scene of his autobiographical movie, what would come out
with other sex with whites experiences. Is it going to include a section with
more subtle, hard to capture experiences? Like the conversation with that white
Aussie.
The one who actually told him he should write more, as a form of
practice, or discipline even, to write up something before he goes to bed.
Which is mainly the reason he's writing now. What is it with whites urging him
to write? Is it another way for them to feel good about themselves, because it
will excuse them from the task of listening if we write our oppression stories.
That they won't have to lend us their ears?
Well that conversation with that
Aussie triggered new feelings and experiences. The experience you get with
a whitie who knows the language, the
words, and the lexicon of racism. The kind who uses that awareness as a way of
flirtation. A way of making you fall. To seduce. It worked, or at least he
thinks it did. He wondered what would come out of that dynamic. It would put a
mask on all the power dynamics, it will make them look as if they're gone, but
in reality they are never gone. They may just wear smart makeup to hide the
blemishes and the scars.
