So what's wrong? Why am I not happy? Why is my colleague pathologizing
me? What's the root of this disenchantment?
I moved. I should be relaxed and happy. Is it because the Syrians are
all over town and it makes you think of their plight? Or is it because that
beautiful Syrian boy liked girls? He may like boys too but would it be easy for
him to date one? Or would he have time for it? Or he has to keep working to
keep the family dignified?
Is it because those guys who live around Cairo University are too
carefree and beautiful? It's already about a decade apart, is that what makes
you bitter? You can't have what they have. It's too late, isn't it? They grew
up here. They live here when they're 19. They were skinny pants and touch each
other.
I moved. I should be happy. I should have more time on my hands. I should
bring whomever over. I should feel less rushed to go to work. I shouldn’t be
waking up before the alarm goes off. I should be spending more time in my room.
I should be having more quality times.
I am traveling, I should be excited. I should be content with where I got
so far. Instead I'm tired and stressed. What would make happy then? What are
the achievements for? What are the pains worth? When will be able to dance the
revolution?
Exploring is what I do. Challenging is my middle name. Risking is what I
know. What's the meaning? Where is the focus point? When is the release?
