poor boy

All of a sudden he recoiled and got up in bed. We were in underwears. His young smooth body still shined in the dark. He asked if there was a camera in the room. I wondered what kind of game that was.

The game has started a bit before, when I saw the boy walk slowly and stare me in a downtown street. I stopped, leaned on a car and waited. There's a lot of waiting in cruising. We talked and he offered to take me to his place. I offered my place instead. Told him I live with others. Thought that gave me more safety. 

When he said he's currently off his work (which is a vendor at a shop somewhere) I grew more anxious. I felt if he's jobless now, he's more keen to make money.

At home, I offered him to shower, his feet were unclean because he wore flip flops. I didn't really mind his dirtiness. It was more of a way of making him vulnerable and for me to feel more in control. Him naked in my bathroom. I also had a kick of the idea of seeing him naked there while I'm still fully clothed. 

He admired my view as they usually do. We stared into the abyss that is Cairo and started touching each others. Leading up to bed where after a few caresses, he recoiled.

He told me he was taken home by someone off the street and ended up being abused by four guys. He said he's too scared to do anything. I didn't want to stop but I didn't argue. He then asked for some of my liquor and ten pounds to get himself dinner. He said he goes lots of nights without dinner.  He said he hates that he is asking for money and that he'd pay back.

I gave him what he wants. I couldn't argue. I didn't want to. What is the use of arguing anyway. For a moment, I was angry that I had paid for sex that I didn't have. But then I wanted to give him more money than he asked for. But then I drew a boundary and let him go into the busy street.

I felt slightly relieved we didn't fuck. Then I felt frustrated, angry, tired. And then I wanted to stop feeling anything.

little boy

Little boy is quiet and shy. Little boy has a crush on a little girl. They part ways and he sees her years later wearing a veil. He wishes to say hi but he can't. Little boy is being hit on by boys. Little boy likes to read books. The boy's dad gets sick, seriously sick. His mom starts cheating on his dad. He becomes angry and confused. His dad passes away. He's still confused. Why is he not sad as he should be? Little boy is older now. He is yearning for a handsome boy, a smart boy. All these boys just want to have some sex. He feels ashamed about what he does with other boys. He feels one day he'll be older and all this will end. That he'd have a family and become normal like all the others. He can't quit, he can't change. Little boy feels lonely and dissatisfied. He hasn't found the kind of friend he wanted. He plans to leave his hometown and he does. The young man finds a job. He gets another job to please his family and fulfill the expectations of making money. He doesn’t have much time but he begins to forge friendships. This gay community is not easy to deal with you know. One sad night his knee is injured and he decides to quit one job. Little boy is radicalized by Cairo, that monstrous city that grinds its people. He wants to change the world, he wants to work in human rights. Little boy travels and lives abroad for a few months. He feels vocal and confident. He's more sure he wants to change the world. He changes his career. He travels more often. He feels he's doing something and needs to do more. Revolution breaks out. This is the moment long waited for. It keeps getting harder and complicated. This fight is too draining. The trauma is creeping in. the failed revolution, the difficult work, the challenging friendships. It all sinks in. He finds some pleasure in being radical. Radical sex encounters makes him excited.  He feels sick and finds out he's got HIV. What's the little boy to do? Quit it all? Leave his home and family? Become less radical? Become celibate altogether? Should he come out about it? Can he change the world? It's the end of life as he knows, but what will he make out of it?