Woke
up with a stream of dry blood leaked out of my mouth. It was stuck when I
tried to remove it. I don't always like to wash my face. I don't want to get
out of my room to go to a shared toilet. I had removed the right side of my wisdom
teeth. It's pretty gruesome. Of course the anesthesia didn't work for me so I
had to endure the pain. I look at the stain of blood on my pillow. When will I
get rid of this pillow cover and get a new one? There must be a date. There
must be an appointment. There's always a system here. I missed the last
appointment and can't bother to find out the new one.
Last night, as
I got up from the german toilet, I also discovered blood. There were a few
drops of blood in the toilet. I always had those mixed feelings about the
german toilets. They have this shelf where the shit rests before it gets
flushed so it can be inspected. This allowed for very good viewing of the blood
drops. Suddenly I remembered that that happened the night before. I had
dismissed then as result of the bleeding going on in my mouth. That it would
normally reach the anus at some point.
But no, this
is something else. Those blood drops look too fresh. Too real. I don't know
what this is. Is it hemorrhoids? Is it a fissure? Is it CANCER?
My body
betrays me again and again. How can this body be of any use now? What use is it
when my two most important holes are bleeding? I can't fuck or suck. What use a
body is if it can't fuck or suck?
but wait a minute. the post doesn't end here. i rebel. i refuse the betrayal. i go cruising at the park. what better rebellion than random cruising. was it the guy with a beard? i don't remember. it was a white guy anyway. not the best dick stimulator. there was audience. as always with this park. a devlish looking guy encouraged me to fuck him. i did. it was getting dark. my dick feels wet. i dry it out with a tissue. the tissue looks vaguely darker than usual. i look at it again when there's good light. it has to be dark. it was red. his ass was fucking bleeding. what a nightmare.
